The Real Reason Behind Your Child's Indecisiveness

Oh, the contradicting world of a child!

Have you ever felt like pulling your hair out when your child vacillates between 'yes' and 'no?' Shivani, a mother of two, says “All the time! My 3-year-old son can't make simple decisions, let alone slightly complex ones. He'll want toast for breakfast and when I get him the toast, he'll want cereal. When that is brought to him, he'll want a third item or sometimes even go back to the first one. It is really frustrating! At times, when I get really irritated, I just refuse to give him anything and he just dissolves into tears.”

This is a common struggle faced by most parents. Is the child trying to drive his mother crazy by saying yes, no, maybe or is he being indecisive? As it turns out, it is neither.

It is completely normal for toddlers as they are still developing a sense of self and individuality. By the time a child reaches the age of two – they start craving for control and sometimes this need comes out as indecisiveness. They will sense what their parents want and then decide not to do it or do the opposite. They are also too young to be sure about what they need, and this leads to the ‘Yes’-es and ‘no’-s.

Adults with no understanding of this kind of behavior often mislabel children as being fussy, indiscipline, attention-seeking, or indecisive. What most parents see in their child as stubbornness can be understood as determination if viewed from the child's perspective.

Toddlerhood is an age when the child's concept of self is emerging. The child is coming to terms with his or her own desires, wants, and thoughts. This is what we understand as "will". It is when you express this will that you learn how to make decisions. While these decisions may seem small to us, they are often big decisions for young children.

Since the ability to make a decision is not always inherent, children have to learn how to assess situations and take control. Having many options to choose from may be overwhelming for them resulting in the shutdown of the decision-making process.

How Can You Help Your Child Become Decisive And Confident? 

Boost your child's confidence by praising their decisions, no matter how small or inconsequential they might seem to you. "You made a good choice by choosing the beige trousers" or "Your choice of eating cereal instead of chocolate is a good one" are good ways of doing this. Avoid criticizing them. If you think they’ve made a wrong choice, don't scold them. Try to explain why this decision won't work and steer them towards the right one organically.

Being able to make one or two right choices will make a child more confident and help in achieving a total sense of control. This ability must be practiced in all aspects of his life. Right from choosing friends to what they eat for breakfast, these decisions will provide the groundwork for making more complex decisions in the future. Ultimately, a child must learn to trust and rely on what they believe to be the right decision